The Continuing Saga of Things that are Trying to Kill Me

…this time it’s furniture…

I was going to write this post last night, but I had to wait until the muscle relaxants wore off.  Yes, I know many of you are sitting there trying to process the fact that the things that come out of my head and onto the screen are not a result of regular muscle relaxant use.  It’s shocking I know, but that would not be pretty.  I had to take some once when I was a summer student in an accounting department in university.  It was the first time I had ever had any, and I was not prepared for the Stella effect.  It was also during my “rice cakes are SO a meal” phase.  My coworkers pretty much had to lock me in a closet to keep me from sitting down with my boss to go over my helpful suggestions.  She already hated me, and I don’t think my shouting “Yo Weezy!” was going to help the cause.

So since then I have steered clear of muscle relaxants and have only used them a couple of times.  Always while sleeping.  And you know I am desperate if I pull them out.

Last night I was desperate.

I was pretty sure that I was going to die.  I still don’t even know exactly what was hurting – ranging from my hibernating (for the 41st straight year) abdominal muscles, to my uterus, to my intestines.  Web MD was certainly not much help.  You’d be surprised at the lack of information out there under the topic of “Symptoms of intestines strangling all other organs after lifting furniture.”  I’m sure I’m not the first one to ask this question.

If you were following along on instagram or my facebook page yesterday, you saw that I was moving some furniture around to set up my office.  I’m very stubborn – I think it’s a Taurus thing.  And independent – only child alert!  And let’s not forget delusional – played too many video games as a child and think anything is possible.

I moved this TV stand out into the hall by myself AND carried the TV out too.  The TV stand wasn’t too bad.  It was the throwback thursday tv that broke me.  I pulled it off the shelf, gave it a little test, and thought it seemed manageable, so I committed.  I pulled it right off the shelf, realized all the weight was in the back, and fell forward into the stand.  Saw some stars and birds, and went for it again.  As I started to pull it away again, I realized the cord was caught on the shelf.  I couldn’t put the TV back on the shelf because I had already sunk into some kind of limbo position, and I couldn’t put it on the floor because I had not cleared the area in front of the stand.  I briefly toyed with closing my eyes and dropping it.  I thought maybe the hazmat team could clean my bathrooms while they were here.  But I remembered that I am not entirely clear on how to put out an electrical fire, so I decided against it.  I think Jesus took the wheel at this point because I have no idea how I got the TV out without smashing it or pulling the stand over on myself.

I should have used a wheelbarrow like Nerdguy.

Next I dragged Nerdguy’s antique dresser across the floor, and promptly got a sliver.

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If it’s an antique that gives you a sliver, does that make you need a tetanus shot more or will I just die a classier slow and painful death? Questions they don’t answer on #antiquesroadshow

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Nerdguy helped me carry my old dresser up the stairs, because even I’m not stupid/stubborn enough to think I could do that by myself.  I am stupid enough to turn it over from being on its end, and drag it into place by myself though.  But it was worth it.  My mom bought it with her own money as a teenager, and along the way it has circulated between her, my aunt, and me several times.  My mom painted it blue and antiqued it when I was a teenager, and then painted it back white again for herself.  It’s perfect in my bedroom office to hold supplies and take product shots.  And hide my chocolates.  Shhhhh.

Here’s a little sneak peek, and I can’t wait to show you the whole space after I am done setting up.

I’m feeling better today than I did last night, but I definitely have a date with the magic bag, advil, and Netflix.  Luckily I have a bed in my office.  Now that’s smart design!