Don't Lick the Deck
Where the raccoons are more distracting than the squirrels
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Where there’s a Will there’s a Wheelbarrow

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I’ve found a lot of things in my kitchen that I don’t expect to see, but I am not normally fazed.  As the saying goes – it takes a lot to scare me – I’ve got twins.
But this day…

…I was scared.
Had the raccoons that live under the deck started using tools?  Were even they so distressed by the state of the deck that they were prepared to take things into their own nimble hands and build a new one?
Or was this some kind of statement from the neighbours about the dismal state of our yard, and the fact that our wheelbarrow had been leaning up against the house for the entire summer.  Was this a warning just in case our next move was to use a toilet as a planter?
Was this the equivalent of finding a horse’s head in my bed?
I went off to the other room to hide google “wheelbarrow serial killers” and when I came back I found Nerdguy checking the tire pressure.
Shit!
He was going to kill me and the wheelbarrow was how he was planning to get rid of my body!  The neighbours would be so glad to have it gone from the yard that I am sure they would deny having seen anything.
Just as I was looking around for a good solid candlestick to whack him over the head with – this took a bit of time, as all I could find was a glade plug-in – he turned and spoke.
“Oh hi honey, I’m glad you’re here.”
“Oh I’ll bet you are!”
“Can you help me with the TV?”
What does he think I’m stupid?  I know he’s been trying to kill me mentally at least with that TV I don’t know how to work – now he’s going to use it to kill me kill me?  And he thinks I’m going to HELP him?  Is he not even planning to address the subject of the wheelbarrow in my kitchen?
“Umm, I’d love to dear, but I’ve got these errands I’ve got to run.  I might be awhile.”
As I was running around the house frantically gathering my important things like my iPhone, passport, and Mexican currency I turned and saw him moving the wheelbarrow toward me.  Some would say he was even charging at me.  Some have also been told that they are hysterical drama queens.  Some were insulted.
In a last-minute twist of events, he maneuvered to the family room.  And wheeled up to in front of the TV.
“Help me lower the TV into the wheelbarrow so we can put the new one in place.”
Oh.
So then this happened:

Nerdguy needs back surgery, and shouldn’t be lifting anything heavy.  And I sure as hell can’t lift a 32 inch TV by myself!  Mostly because of how awkward the shape is more so than the weight.  Because I am surprisingly strong.  Maybe cheesies build muscle – I don’t know.  Although that Chester Cheetah dude has skinny little barbie arms.  It’s a mystery.

We could have phoned someone to help us, except we are the two most stubborn people on the planet when it comes to asking for help.  So scratch that plan.

Clearly a wheelbarrow in the family room was the only way to go.

I’m sure we’re on YouTube somewhere if anyone caught footage of us wheeling the TV out the front door, DOWN THE STAIRS, and into the garage.  You know as much as I complain about several of our neighbours, I’m beginning to think that we may be the problem.  Have you seen the movie The ‘Burbs with Tom Hanks?  I think we might be moving away from being like the characters in his family and a little too close to being the neighbours they were spying on.

This all happened a year ago.

What happened to the TV and the wheelbarrow?

One guess why I can’t park my mini-van in the garage this winter.

If you see me pushing a wheelbarrow down the street one day, don’t make eye contact.


Comments

  1. Love it! course I strongly suggest you freecycle the TV, put the wheelbarrow back outside and park your van where the snow won’t get it.. but that’s easy to say from here. We’ve never ONCE parked a vehicle in the garage 😐

    Reply

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