This isn’t going to be a popular statement, and it’s not one that I would feel brave enough to say out loud. But hiding behind my screen from a secret location (don’t try to find me, and if you do try, definitely don’t check my room…I’ve barricaded it shut…ummm, I mean, people already checked there), I’m going to throw it out there.
I’m ready for winter.
You really shouldn’t throw your phone like that. And if you think you can sue me for a new one, you obviously haven’t taken my broken deck pictures seriously. The raccoon-filled craters are certainly not a Pinterest-inspired decorating idea, just in case that isn’t clear.
While I don’t have the money to replace your smashed phone, perhaps you would accept one of the raccoons to train as a carrier pigeon of sorts. You can tie a message around his leg and send him off to deliver your correspondence. Like the owls in Harry Potter. But with rabies. I recommend sealing the note in a ziploc so that it survives the obsessive washing process of your furry messenger. Come to think of it, with the impending Canada Post strike, I’ve changed my mind. I am sitting on a gold mine here. I’ve finally figured out how we can spin being overrun with garbage-eating bandits into a good thing. I’ve got to tell the government about this. Actually, I am pretty sure they are already watching me and they’re reading this right now. *waves hello*
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, bring on winter! I loathe the heat. My children loathe the heat. I have one child who is allergic to everything and is terrified to leave the house because the wasps are waiting for her. Another child is perfectly happy to be outside if we are in a creek, gathering slimy creatures for her to sneak home in her purse, and subsequently “misplace” inside my house. And the third child uses summer as an excuse to sneak popsicles all day long. At the end of the day my carpet looks like we hosted an indoor colour run, and we have enough popsicle sticks to construct a life-sized CN Tower. When she eats them outside they melt too fast and drip on her clothes, causing her to rip her shirt off in hysterics and toss the offending treat over the neighbour’s fence. The good news is that they always throw them back, unlike our beach balls, which they must keep for their trophy room.
While I do insist that we all get out regularly, and that we are actively doing something every day, when we get home from a hot day of running around, we are exhausted and ready for chill time on our iPads or in front of the TV. I call it Netflix Summer Movie Critic Camp and suddenly it sounds like I’m some kind of proactive Tiger Mom. It’s all in the branding.
Luckily Netflix has plenty of favourite content to keep the kids from uttering dangerous phrases such as, “I’m BORED!” ten minutes after we get home. Molly and Grace’s current obsessions are:
Netflix has new content coming out all summer. We are all excited about Home and Project Mc2 in particular, and I think Beat Bugs looks just adorable!
If you’re still looking for me, I’m busy watching Christmas with the Kranks and dreaming of giant sweaters while I sample all 31 flavours (to keep cool of course). Direct any angry letters to my neighbour’s house, as they are the current chairs of the We Hate Tara Club. I’m sure they’ll throw them over the fence. Or I’ll send a raccoon over to pick the mail up—they love when I do that.
Happy Summer, and stay cool! What are you watching this summer? You know, besides the destruction of your home and diminishing contents of your wallet?
Disclosure – I am a member of the Netflix #streamteam and I receive better stuff than this house is used to seeing in exchange for writing about raccoons. Wait, I may not have read that fine-print correctly.