“But I, I was told I could listen to my music at a reasonable volume from nine to eleven…”
Anyway, back to my husband’s web of lies, and my desire to follow Milton’s lead and set fire to my kitchen and move to the islands. You can only push us so far. Also, I can never find my stapler either.
We moved into our house in 2001. Nerdguy talked me into it because it was SO rundown, but in a great neighbourhood and a lot of the problems were cosmetic things that could be easily fixed. I initially didn’t even consider the house, but luckily he saw through the filthy rugs and hideous paint job. New flooring and paint in every room, and it was like a whole new house. Except for the 26 year old kitchen. It remained hideous. California lighting and all. I’m pretty sure the former homeowners carved a roast directly on the counter on a weekly basis. At least I’m hoping all those knife marks are from a roast. We never did figure out what is under the mysterious carpeted box in the basement.
We didn’t have the money for a kitchen remodel, and we were busy starting our family, so we figured we would wait a few years when we had more money (my god we were stupid, and comparatively rich) and put in a new kitchen when the kids were in school.
But Nerdguy knew that the countertop really got me down. It was at one point some shade of white and it looked like I was serving platters of e.coli to dinner party guests. So for Christmas he gave me a “coupon” to put in a new countertop.
I was excited to pick out something great to spruce up our worn-out kitchen!
Until I realized that his coupon was just lazy Christmas shopping by someone with yet to be diagnosed ADHD.
He gave me the same gift the next Christmas because he forgot and/or has a death wish.
We’ve lived in this house for almost 15 years. Guess what’s still in my kitchen? The good news is that my dishwasher has also been broken since Christmas, so no one could see any of the countertop under the mounds of dishes in various stages of cleanliness.
Because of the age of our neighbourhood, it seems like everyone has put in totally new kitchens, blinged out with granite counters, giant islands and hardwood floors. While we are in no position to compete with that, it’s definitely time to do something.
My first instinct was to staple plastic sheets up in the doorways and tell people we are renovating, so they absolutely can’t follow me in while I make coffee. After a few months of that, I am pretty sure there will be some questions.
I guess that’s actually my second instinct, as my first one involves matches and an alibi.
The plan I am pretty sure we are going to go with instead involves me painting our kitchen cupboards, making an island out of cupboards and a new countertop, and replacing the existing countertop.
I always thought I wanted granite. Until I realized how many wet messes my family leaves lying around, and that granite would be ruined before the installers even had a chance to leave the house. Let’s face it, I don’t need anymore reasons to be all tense and screamy, and I don’t think Nerdguy is going to go for me refusing to cook anymore and declaring it a show kitchen. Like the living rooms of our childhood, when our moms vacuumed their way out of the room, and did everything short of installing a velvet rope.
I resigned myself to laminate, disappointed that it wasn’t a fancy dream kitchen, but knowing it was a lot more practical.
So I was very excited to see how far laminate has come over the years! The new collection from Formica looks amazing!
I’ve already picked out my favourite, Cafe Azul, which will be perfect with the grey colour I want to paint the cabinets. Plus I can legitimately say I ate at a cafe for brunch, when I was really inhaling grilled cheese sandwich crusts over the sink. Score!
I’m also really digging this Oxidized Maple:
Now I’m actually happy that Nerdguy took so long to honour his coupons. Just don’t tell him he was right about this too…I don’t want it to go to his head.
PS – As if to prove that we can’t have things that are hard to take care of, while I was writing this, Maggie took two eggs out of the fridge and deliberately threw them on the kitchen floor, for sport. Nerdguy has always said we need a drain in the middle of the floor so we could just hose everything off. I think he may have another great idea.
From eye-catching wood looks to contemporary concrete patterns, the 2016 Formica® Laminate Residential collection is comprised of ten new patterns, inspired by today’s most sought-after trends, and includes EliteForm, a new technology that delivers industry-leading scratch resistance and impressive durability to stand up to the wear and tear of daily life.
Disclosure – I have been compensated to write about the new collection from Formica. And just in time, because I clearly need a bigger egg and paper towel fund.