An Apple a Day

My computer is limping along and I spend more time fighting with it than doing anything remotely productive on it.  My favourite is when I am mid-sentence on a deadline, or just about to fire up an online call and it randomly decides to reboot itself.  It’s become more than frustrating, and it’s a beast to carry around with me.  First world problems I know.  Nerdguy and I decided that I could get a MacBook Pro for my 40th birthday back in May to mark the occasion, and to celebrate that people actually pay me to write things down now (who knew?).  But we decided to wait until we won the lottery or finally learned how to crack a safe from watching White Collar.  Why is everything with an apple on it so expensive?

We found a great deal on a refurbished one this Christmas, and we decided that we both distract far too easily to run a successful bank heist, so we bit the bullet and ordered it.

I’m in love.

You know that dazed feeling that you get when you fall in love?  I’ve got that too – mostly because despite being an iPhone user for over 5 years, I have no idea what I am doing.  Why is the delete button really a backspace?  And why is there no real delete button?  How do I erase something in front of the cursor?  Why is it Command C to copy when there is also a Control button?  Do I need to be a hipster to use a Mac?  I still don’t have a real handle on exactly what a hipster even is, so I think I’m screwed.

Every time I try to do something with the apple accounts I am confused.  Trying to set up the kids’ apple IDs so that they aren’t getting my text messages – I learned that one the hard way when I discovered my texts on the iPad that Maggie takes to school!  I thought that I had things fairly well under control (no I didn’t).  “Nobody understands the cloud!  It’s a fucking mystery!”  – truer words from Jason Segel were never spoken.

But today I was looking at my iPad that is something like 4 years old – I got to use it for all of 10 minutes I think before the kids took it and I never saw it again – and I saw FaceTime on there.  FaceTime didn’t even exist when I first got it I don’t think.  I saw a number 3 over the icon, so I opened it.  For some reason there are only 4 contacts in my apple contacts – I don’t understand why all the ones from my phone haven’t synced – and strangely they are 2 teachers at the school, Apple, and me.  Of course someone had picked the 2 teachers and a random phone number to FaceTime with this summer.  If my blood pressure wasn’t high already, it certainly is now!!!!!

What did they hear?  Even worse…what did they SEE???  Times that Maggie has barged into the bathroom on me to demand that I fix her show on the iPad are flashing through my mind.  The messy house, the unflattering pajamas, the kraft dinner meals.  Parent-teacher interviews are stressful enough and now one of the kids has set up a direct feed and made us like those schmucks on Big Brother?!  I’m afraid to find out who the random number is.  I can only hope it’s an eccentric billionaire who awards house cleaning bursaries.

Possibly worse than the above scenarios is if they never answered.  Because then all they can see is that crazy parent Tara tried to face time their child’s teacher from 2 and 3 grades ago.   I think that’s even worse than being caught googling them.

No one can see my google search history can they?

I need to sit down.

And watch more White Collar to learn how to assume a new identity.

What do you think my new name should be?  And can you set up my apple ID?

maggie ipad


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