I think I’m doing Irish wrong. As my post on Bluntmoms today will explain, I never was very good at following Irish or St. Patrick’s Day traditions. Largely because I had no idea what they were. I don’t even think I have actually had green beer before. Despite the fact that my lack of celebration of March 17th is not a new phenomenon, I can’t help feeling like I should be sitting in an Irish pub right now drinking some Guinness and eating twelve kinds of potatoes. I feel somewhat ashamed that I am typing this in my pajamas at 9:15pm. But I am comforted in the idea that I am likely not the only mother who is in jammies, drinking tea.
Perhaps since having children I need to embrace a new way of celebrating this holiday by doing all sorts of crafts and activities with my kids. In fact I actually came up with a mighty fine list of such revelry over at parentdish.
Great plans, so I should be all set for a day of new traditions, and adventures.
But I’ve got the tireds. And the distracteds. And the raccoons.
Here is how my day actually played out, starting with last night:
I went for a walk with my friend. I don’t wear my glasses when we walk, so I always have to ask her “skunk or cat” when we run into animals. Or that one time when we almost fell over a coyote. So when we approached my house, and saw suspicious figures on the porch, I freaked a bit. And possibly asked her to hold me. We got closer and she assured me that it was definitely not an animal, but looked more like a gift bag. I oscillated between pulling my phone out to google how to reach the bomb squad because they always warn you about unexpected packages, and jumping up and down with the thrill of receiving a present a full 2 months before my birthday. When we got right up to the porch and I realized that the kids had put out their leprechaun traps before bed I felt like I’d been cheated out of a gift, and I also kind of wanted to blow something up.
Later that evening I fell asleep in front of the TV, so Nerdguy and I had the pleasure of staggering around the house at midnight trying to find anything shiny that we could throw at the traps, without waking the kids or inviting in a possum. I don’t know how we got ourselves down this road of leaving gold coins (loonies) in or around the traps, but I find myself wondering how we are held hostage by so many tiny imaginary people. I’m looking at you Elf on the Shelf. I filled a Guinness glass with coins, put a shamrock necklace on each of the kids’ chairs, and called it a night.
This morning the kids were very excited to find their treasures, but disappointed that the leprechaun got away. But did he get away? Looking through the house in a search to rival that of mountain rescuers seemed prudent in the face of the looming start of school.
Cue resident raccoon tearing around the deck, trying to find his way back under after a night out galavanting. Oh how I miss those days. The kids started screaming. It stopped and looked right at me like he wanted to give me some unsolicited advice about my hysterical children. That or it was passing judgment on my hideously tattered bathrobe. But heh – at least it was green. It’s hideous in an ironic way.
|We caught a leprechaun. He’s bigger and hairier than we expected,
but he looks like he enjoys a good Irish whiskey.
Oh crap! Green!! Commence ransacking of drawers, closets, and storage bins for green clothes. We own surprisingly little of this colour. Maybe we don’t want our clothes to match the things at the back of the fridge. It could get confusing. After a little bartering and a lot of swearing we got some outfits assembled.
We opened the Lucky Charms the day we got them. We don’t get the rationing concept. The kids wrestled over the 5 remaining marshmallows.
I had nothing fun for their lunches. I threw apple granola bars in green wrappers and cucumber slices in the bags to be token green things. Paper towels instead of festive napkins. And I picked all the green mini marshmallows out of the bag and put them in for a treat. The bento moms can certainly rest easy that I’m not moving in on their territory any time soon. Although I did manage to use the green water bottles, so I think that may clinch it.
I wore my green spring coat just because it’s green, and froze my ass off. By the comments I got at the school about how much green I was wearing, I think I may be officially “that” mom. The off-her-hinges one.
We had green pancakes for dinner because we did that last year, and because we missed Pancake Tuesday. So much easier and less smelly than corned beef and cabbage!
|Now on the Food Network – Dyed Cakes of Lazy|
And then tonight we had a behaviour therapist in our house for 2 hours. I tried to encourage her to set me up with a sticker chart to earn me beer, but she did a whole lot of writing after that, so I decided it was best to just go on the honour system.
Leprechaun traps, raccoons, head-to-toe green, pancakes, and therapy. The new Irish. Embrace it.