Things in the Universe that are Trying to Kill Me – A Series

(or merely just indications of my stupidity)

Our New Minivan – with some help from my husband

This one I never saw coming.  On the surface it would appear that replacing a 10 year old death trap broken van with a brand new van with actual working parts would be a gift of safety.  You see Nerdguy is very crafty.  He also knew I wasn’t ready for Stow ‘n Go.  I can barely carry a coffee and walk at the same time.  I also have no patience for instruction manuals.  And a dismal ability to resist the urge to pull the tab marked ‘3’ in a sequence of 1 to 4.

Folding the rear seat down on our old van was simple – pull the lever on the seat-back and give on ‘er.  Easy.  Operating the stow ‘n go requires NASA-grade training and the concentration of Tibetan monks.  And is not something that should ever be attempted in the parking lot of the school.

The new van (which I am completely in love with despite its attempts to kill me – I should probably discuss this with a therapist) is much more complicated.  When you are attempting to stow the seats you need to pull on tabs 1 through 4, preferably in order.  But when you are trying to set the seats back up again, you need to skip tab number 3 or else your violent heaving forward of the seat will all have been in vain, because that is the tab that releases the seat from the latches in the floor.  I would tell you that I caught on to that right away, but I think we all know me better than that.  The easy part is stowing the seats, so I got a bit too relaxed and unpayingattentioney.  I’m not very tall, and didn’t want to get snow on my legs from the bumper, so I had to lean on the back of the seat to reach the tab.  And that is where it all went wrong.  I pulled tab 2, which makes the seat-back fold down.  Rapidly.  And since I have basically zero core strength I went flying along for the ride, right into the deep stow n’ go area.  In the school parking lot.  Within view of the security cameras.  

If I ever get in trouble with some mobsters, it will be their lucky day since I apparently load myself into the trunk. 

Good thing there’s a rainbow loom explosion in the trunk to keep me busy.


Stay tuned for more tales of things that are trying to put me in an early grave.  Or at the very least made me look ridiculous.



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