Christmas Crisis

Sound the alarms.  I’m in a full-scale Christmas panic.  It’s not like we didn’t know this was coming either (the panic, not Christmas).  It comes every year.  Each year I swear that I am going to be organized.  Everything will be done ahead of time.  The house will be clean and clutter-free.  The gifts bought and wrapped.  I will be able to relax and enjoy the beauty and magic of the season because this year I was on top of things.

I hope you’re hearing Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas in your head as you read that last sentence.  Read it again just in case.  It sets a scene.
An entirely false scene.
Unless you count the 2 cartons of Candy Cane ice cream that I bought, which you really should because that’s just the gift that keeps on giving.  Giving all my old pants to the donation bin, that is, as I become unable to button any of my current pants.
I am not going to lie.  I am FREAKING OUT!!  And yes I am yelling, because that is what it sounds like inside my head right now.  It’s not pretty.
See this skinny, festively dressed, organized
woman?  This is not me.
She is who I’ll be knocking her over as I tear
through the mall in a state of hysteria.
Nerdguy couldn’t figure out why I was all in a tizzy and that every other sentence that comes out of my mouth is “We have to figure out a plan for Christmas gifts.”  I’m pretty sure that he believes it is still November or possibly October because he was genuinely shocked when I told him that there are only NINE school days left.  NINE!!!
Smelling salts and paper bags would apparently be good gifts to get for me.
I don’t know what the kids even want, other than Grace who wants the entire American Girl store.  I want to know exactly what I am getting before I buy anything so that I don’t get caught in that dreaded spiral of “evening out the gifts” in that impossible balancing game of gifts for 3 kids from us and Santa.  Add to that the delightful game of debit card roulette since my chip card seems to have gone flaky, and I never know if it will work or not, and I am paralyzed with festive fear.
How is your shopping coming along?  For the love of Santa do not say you are done or do the wide-eyed “You haven’t started???  Wow I would totally be panicking right now!!” reaction or I will have to hurt you.  And I really don’t have time for the legal paperwork.
I do however have time for a bowl of that ice cream.  Who needs pants anyway?  Maybe Santa has an extra pair of his that I can have.


  1. says

    If it is not bad enough that I am running around trying to think about MY shopping, my mother has me buying stuff for her to buy off of me for the kids. Then – I get home 20 minutes ago only to discover the Target lady (who clearly handed me my bags… I was not responsible for picking them up, she HANDED them to me) forgot one! So, I called and now can’t send Lew over because I have the receipt. I have to hoof it all the back there at some point today w/o kids because they’ll want to know, “What’s in the bag, Mom?”

    Let’s talk about Kohl’s. They put Despicable Me underwear IN THEIR AD. Syas “boys 4-20″… Yay, I think! Big enough for Carl, my minion freak. I go there. No underwear. I go to Customer Service. That lady doesn’t even have this week’s sale ad at her desk! (huh?) She is clueless when I describe the picture on page 40 of the flyer in minute detail and then says, “Well, that is a national ad. It doesn’t mean we sell that stuff.” Jeepers, thanks for the help, Customer Service Lady.

    I need ice cream.

    • says

      Jill that sounds horrible!! Getting it all done in the first place is hard enough without having to go back or chase imaginary items!! And I hope your mother has given you her gold card so you can get yourself something in your travels…you know…commission! I hope it all gets better from here!

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