Back to School

It’s the most wonderful time….sing it with me!  And feel free to dance like no one’s watching.  Just don’t for the love of God twerk.  Because really, no one should be watching if that’s your go-to dance move.  I’m more of an Elaine Benes dancer myself.

I didn’t think we were going to make it back to school on time…people started dropping like flies around here with fevers and vomiting.  Well only the twins were sick, but you know how I like to be dramatic.  Although to be fair, a monkey virus style outbreak is pretty much what I picture in my head with the first sneeze.

I think I was more nervous than the kids about their first day…I have had nightmares the last 2 nights.  Of course that could have been the cheesies.

Nah.

I was thrilled when everyone came out smiling at the end of the day.  They all had great days.  It was almost too good to be true.

Because it was.

Molly got stung by a bee at the park right after school.  There was screaming.  There was mayhem.  There was a random offer of an epi-pen from a passerby.  Boy Canadians are helpful aren’t they?  Need a bit of epinephrine do you?  I was very close to saying “No thank you, but a spot of xanax would be smashing” but I managed to control myself.

You want to know the weird part?  I was stung by a bee on my first day of grade 9.  The typing teacher and her damned geraniums that she insisted on keeping on the window ledge beside my desk.  I was dreadfully allergic to those flowers, and yet she always watered them during my class.  I think she may have even been raising killer bees, but that may just be the lack of xanax talking.  The bee got right in my Ralph Lauren button-down and stung me in the back.  The teacher was not very helpful when I said that I had been stung, and asked to be excused to the washroom…she pretty much called me a liar.  It took everything in me not to throw my Bass Weejun loafers at her.  Oh 1989 and your preppy goodness, wedged in there between the Madonna-underwear-as-outerwear years and the Britney-barely-a-shirt period.  I’m hoping overalls and baggy velour tracksuits make a comeback for when my girls are teenagers.

Whoa…excuse my while I park the Delorean…did a bit of time travel there.  Back to this week…

Molly was nervous to go back today, worried that she would get stung again.  I don’t really blame her.  She has been stung 3 times in as many years at that school.  I don’t want to sound paranoid, but I think my typing teacher may work there.