Don’t Live Under the Deck

Yesterday I posted on Facebook that it sounded like a yeti and a manatee were mating under my deck.  I could hear great thrashing about while I was folding the laundry.  Really it was more along the lines of a beaver tearing down the tattered remains of what was once a deck.  Most people thought it was a raccoon.  I honestly hoped that it was a beaver.  Because then I could tell people “I have a beaver under there you know?” and waggle my eyebrows.  I’m inappropriate like that.

This morning after my shower I heard the same noises.  Except I was nowhere near the deck.  I was on the second floor in my bedroom.  As much as I wanted a beaver under the deck, I sooo did not want a beaver in the attic.  This was bad news.  I hoped that it was a ghost.  Or a leprechaun.

Right after dinner tonight mama coon made her appearance.  She just sat there in the pouring rain looking around, and slow-blinking at me.  I took 36 a few pictures of it before I started to feel annoyed about it sitting in my yard.  So I began banging on the window (and possibly shouting “Why aren’t you a beaver?”), and basically showed her who’s boss.

Ooh look….a hat!

And by “showing her who’s boss” I of course mean “invited her to move in and put her in my will.”  I guess she’s heard my “I’m canceling Easter” empty threats, and is taking me as seriously as my children do.

Tonight after it was dark I was sitting in the kitchen beside the open patio door.  I was typing away absorbed in my work (facebook) when I felt myself being watched.  The raccoon was RIGHT THERE!  I think she was about to open the screen.  Is she what I heard upstairs this morning?  And does she use the back door like she works here or something?  Is she like Sam and Ralph clocking in every day?

I quickly closed and locked the door, and had a medium-sized heart attack.  Shortly after recovering from my brush with death I saw 2 babies scampering around on the deck.

And now I get it.

When I had twin babies I used to spend a lot of time sitting out in the rain on the porch by myself too.  No wonder she wasn’t easily scared off by me…she was just happy to be out of the house for a few minutes.

Apparently our similarities do not end there…I commented to Nerdguy that she sure was snorting loudly as she moved around the grass.  There were some comments made about her being similar to the mom who lives here.

I hope they have room for one more under that deck.


  1. says

    I do not know why, but the word ‘beaver’ has always been one of the funniest words to me.


    So, I immediately started snort laughing from the very beginning.

    I would have died no matter WHAT it was rummaging around. Beaver, ghosts, whatever.

    Loved it!

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