The Time My Stupidity Didn’t Kill Us All

It was a big weekend here for our family.  (Well, not for Nerdguy because he was sick in bed all weekend.)  I took the girls to get their first pairs of roller blades!  I had promised Grace that we would get them this weekend.

Never make promises.

I wasn’t counting on Nerdguy being down for the count, so I was on my own to strap the wheels-of-death-boots onto our 3 breakable children.  I also had no one to answer me when I pulled my go-to scary movie routine of hiding my eyes and yelling “WHAT’S HAPPENING NOW????  Wait…don’t tell me!  I SAID DON’T TELL ME!  How much blood IS there?!?!”

When you yell things like that in a park, with no other responsible adult actually answering these questions, it tends to attract some fairly negative attention.  That’s just an FYI for you there.  One of Tara’s helpful hints for public decorum if you will.

I was extremely nervous as we headed out to the park, with our prior ice skating adventures fresh in my mind.  Picture what an Ice Capades blooper reel would be like.  With blood, and more crying.

After rolling the minivan/private ambulance into the lot behind the school, we began the task of donning the eleven hundred pieces of safety gear.  After realizing that the wrist guard was not a cup, and that the tags had an R and L on them, buried under the seventy other tags, we were golden.  Another key to being a helpful and supportive mother is to check the inside of the boot for additional packaging before pushing harder on your child’s foot and calling them ‘uncooperative.’

A full hour after leaving the house, I had 3 fully protected children ready to blade.

And 4 injuries for myself.

What happened next was thrilling, awe-inspiring, and perhaps even a little bit suspicious.

They were ALL skating.  And mostly not falling!  And when they did fall, they were able to get themselves up!

They completely rocked it.  It was so nice to see them all enjoying themselves, and succeed.  Especially for the 2 that athletics does not come naturally to.  Plus as a bonus…Maggie can’t get away very fast on roller blades, so when you turn to watch another kid, and turn back again, she is still within 500 feet.

So just for the day I gave myself the title of Mom of the Year.  I even made myself a little trophy:

It closely resembles a wine glass.

And that cheese is not mine.  I’m holding it for a friend.


    • says

      You know that’s totally not how you are supposed to drink wine don’t you??? I’m so glad I’m here to teach you about shoe cardboard and proper wine consumption methods. I don’t know what you would do otherwise. 😉 Thanks for commenting!

  1. says

    I remember those elbow pads. Mine ALWAYS ended up upside down.

    Also, is there something special about shredded cheese? Cause I usually just rip it off in chunks…and I hate shredding. 🙂

    • says

      I shredded it for on top of our pasta at dinner. And then set the bowl in front of my spot and growled anytime someone approached it. And yes, shredding is for chumps. I am trying your method!

  2. says

    You have great intestinal fortitude mama. I would hardly have dared take one little kid out on roller blades, you pushed three of them out your car door and looked away… awesome! Bravery and guts deserve wine and cheese in a bowl.

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