Let’s Get This Party…Canceled

I’m freaking out.  Molly’s birthday party is this weekend, and I am completely unprepared.  Loot bags with only one thing in them, and I still have a cake to buy/steal/make, and some kind of a craft/activity/pyrotechnics display to think of and prepare to keep them from noticing what a disaster our house is.

Molly decided that she wanted a critter party.  So we have animals coming.

And a tarantula.

To my house.

Are you getting this…I am paying money to someone to bring a tarantula here for an hour.

This makes about as much sense to me as the week that I paid a landscaper to bring dirt to the outside of my  house, and a cleaning company to remove dirt from the inside of my house.  Perfectly good wine money.

And that’s not even the real cost.  Who knows how expensive this could get when you factor in the therapy bills?  I can practically hear the conversation between the team of mental health professionals, “We thought she was doing okay, but the real turning point was the year that she paid someone to bring a hairy beast of a spider into her family room.  Beginning of the end.”  White Coat #2 would disagree, saying “But isn’t that the very definition of insanity?”  There will be books written about what comes first…the spider or the psychotic break.

This is why smart people don’t host birthday parties at home.  Or reproduce.

The biggest thing that I am worried about is that the animal handler lady will say that our carpet is too dirty for the pets to go on.  Most people would be worried about the animals taking a dump on the carpet.  But I’m worried that ours will be the first house with carpet too filthy to be a 10′ by 10′ litter box.

I need to get cleaning.  And shopping.  We’re supposed to get 25 to 30 cm of snow tomorrow, and I am betting on having at least one of the 3 kids home, so hopefully I will get lots of cleaning done.  Or maybe I should just throw everything out in the yard so it gets buried in the snow?  Everyone else will have 30cm and we’ll have 5 foot tall mountains.

I picked up my snowstorm survival kit today like a good citizen.  Make sure you get yours.

I am really regretting that I didn’t pick up that giant bag of chocolate covered almonds from Costco today.  I don’t know why I hesitated, because I’m pretty sure they’re a super food.

Well that’s all for now.  Those dirty dishes aren’t going to bury themselves.  Oh and I apologize if you are reading this before bed.  Because I am pretty sure that you are going to have a dream about 5 foot tall mountains of hairy spiders all trying to get to your chocolate stash.  As long as you’re up, brainstorm some loot bag and party game ideas for me would you?


Comments

  1. says

    Would it make you feel better if I tell you that tarantulas aren’t all that dangerous? They’re used in movies because they’re so big, but they don’t have enough poison to harm a human. Unless of course, there are a mountain of them. Maybe. Good luck with the party!

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