No One Likes a Braggy Pants

There are things that happen in my life that would never be a part of a television show, because they are too obvious, and contrived-seeming.  It just isn’t good television if it isn’t believable.  Maybe a cheesy 80s horror movie.  I often get the feeling that I am the idiot girl who goes outside in bare feet in the dark woods to “look for Billy.”  We all know what is going to happen to the idiot girl, and we scream at the screen, begging the girl to go back inside and lock the door.

There is a reason that people knock on wood when they say something is going well.  Not to be pessimistic, but I am going to start to knock on a whole forest.  I try to be a positive person, but the things that happen when I am upbeat just don’t support it.
When I was a teenager, I bragged that I had never been in a car accident.  The next week, while I was riding home with some friends after a voluntary chemistry summer school class (there is a reason I have the name nerdgirlmom), the car I was in was rear-ended and I had to go to the hospital with whiplash.
This Fall, when we thought that Maggie was allergic to wasps, we had to abandon the house when we had a wasp nest in the walls.  Although this was unrelated to anything I said, there were many comments from people along the lines of “of all the people to have wasps in their walls!”
Last week I was writing about being a protective parent, and I smugly declared that not one of us had ever broken a bone.  I hardly had time to mentally design my superhero costume, when God laughed in my face.
Grace fell from the bar at gymnastics and fractured her wrist.  All because I got too big for my britches.  And the reason that I don’t fit into my britches is because of eating too many chips.  So clearly I have to sue Lay’s Potato Chips.  Because you really can’t eat just one.  And then your kid breaks.  That’s an airtight case if I ever did hear one.
Tough girl finished the class.  The ER doc couldn’t believe it.  Nerdguy and I aren’t sure just where this kid came from.  I whack my funny bone and I’m laid out on the floor for an hour.  And Nerdguy…well, it’s his birthday, so I will just move on here.
After a stint at the urgent care centre, and what felt like the royal run-around, we headed to our local children’s hospital.  It was amazing.  Clean, friendly, stuff to do while we waited, and a doctor that would make an excellent George Clooney replacement should they ever bring back ER.  He explained that they don’t do casts for buckle fractures on kids anymore, because they heal just as well with a splint.  So after much screaming about how she didn’t want a cast before we got there, I think she was actually disappointed that she didn’t get one.

Grace has been so brave, and her sisters have taken really good care of her.  Molly has been helping her with her jobs, and Maggie keeps patting her on the back and asking her if she is okay.
Grace was the star of school on Monday, which made her feel much better.  I think she was worried that she would be teased.  The whole class signed her tensor bandage, and they have been very helpful in getting her coat done up, and carrying things.  Our real concern is that Grace will try to do too much.  She asked me yesterday if she can do a cartwheel if she is “careful.”  I’m sorry…what’s that?  We’ll have to keep an eye on this one.  
In the meantime…I am going to stick to declaring things that I would actually like to come true:  
I have never been the fittest mom on the playground.  (Someone should warn the other moms…either I am about to get all kinds of hot, or they are going to have some rough ice cream years ahead of them.)


  1. says

    Lovely perspective as always Tara. And by the way, when we get to hang out finally, you will notice that I will knock on wood at LEAST twice. It’s like a tick for me.

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