Today Was Brought to Me by the Letter M

I wrote this yesterday but fell asleep watching Flashpoint, so play along and replace all of the “today”s with “yesterday”…the room is spinning too much to be historically accurate.


This morning I went in to Maggie’s room to wake her up for school.  This is what I found:

You see the shirt she is wearing right?  She insisted on sleeping in her shirt from the day before and it says “Go Green” on it.  Tomorrow I am putting her in a shirt that says “Clean Your Room”.  Instructional Tshirts.  I’m gonna be rich.  Also, if you are wondering, she doesn’t have a pillowcase because she hates them and keeps taking it off, and her mattress is on the floor because she still jumps on her bed and we don’t want her to hurt herself.

She had stolen a marker from Grace’s room, and must have given herself a midnight makeover.  Or the more obvious scenario.  Aliens were here in the night.  Because that is exactly the kind of thing that happens when you have a meeting to get to.  Thank goodness it was washable marker.  I don’t have enough tinfoil in the house to make hats for the whole school.
After wrestling her in and back out of the bath (I swear she got stronger over night…she may be a Hulk love-child), and silently loudly both cursing and praising the Crayola evil masterminds, I miraculously got us back on schedule.  
Not so fast Tara.  You have somewhere to be.  I’m gonna pull some crap. (That’s the Universe talking.  The Universe has a mean streak sometimes).


That was Molly’s cue to begin screaming and refuse to come down for breakfast.  The year has not started smoothly for her.  Her teachers think I make it up because she is an angel at school.  I tell them to get a friend drunk, and then try getting them ready for school, and poke them with a stick every so often just to really piss them off.  Replace “drunk” with “up in the morning”, and “poke them with a stick” with “say good morning” and that is exactly what it is like trying to get Molly ready in the morning.  
I think the teachers have a file on me.
Once again there was divine intervention and we made it to school in the nick of time.


The day got much better from there.  I had a productive meeting with someone that I really enjoyed talking to.  I love it when that happens!  


Then I managed to steal Nerdguy away for lunch out…such a rare treat that we get out on our own.  

Micro Gestures

This afternoon I cleaned and watched Lie to Me on Netflix.  I just discovered that show, and I find it fascinating.  I have always been good at reading people and knowing whether I can trust them or not.  The times that I have ignored my instincts I have regretted it.  I wonder if all of the micro-gesture science in that show is true, and if that is what I pick up on about people?  I do know that I am terrible at making eye contact…I have trouble understanding people and absorbing what they say if I don’t watch their mouth.  Or maybe I’m just watching to make sure that they don’t have pie that they aren’t sharing.  Wait a minute…I can’t see your mouth right now…do you have pie that you aren’t sharing?  

Maps and Malaria

The rest of the family has been struck down this week one by one with a cold.  I really thought I had escaped it.  I am never the last one standing.  I shouldn’t have gotten smug because I think today is the day.  Happily it seems to be a short-lived cold, but I wasn’t going to take any chances by exerting myself making the lavish from-scratch fictional dinner that I had originally planned.  So we had Maggie’s favourite.  The nutritional powerhouse that is…
Maggie calls them maps.  One day when we were eating them she kept asking me for maps.  I had no idea what she was talking about until we realized:
This probably explains why she ate her daycare diploma on the way to the car.  

Nothing says academic excellence like eating paper.  
This episode of Don’t Lick the Deck has been brought to you by the letter M (Maggie, Molly, Mommy, meeting, mmmm, malaria, and maps) and the number eleventy billion (the number of tissues I have used in 2 days).  Now, in the words of Oscar the Grouch…SCRAM!! (I’m a mean sick person.)


  1. says

    I am sorry you are sick, but I literally laughed out loud for a good minute over those maps!!

    mmm… pie!!! I technically don’t have any real pie, but I have pumpkin pie bars leftover from my pot luck dinner last night. I don’t think too many camera club members sneezed over them. The reason so many got leftover is because someone placed a tray of STORE BOUGHT red velvet cupcakes on top of my homemade treats. I sent some in with Lew for the coffee pot crowd and kept some here.

    I’ll put on some tea and wait for you, OK?

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