We went camping last week, and I learned some things. None of those things were how to build a fire, or survival skills of any kind, so I won’t be earning any badges. Unless there is a badge for sarcastic observations. I could make a whole coat out of those badges.
Our backyard has more raccoons than the campground. Didn’t see a single one the whole trip.
A forgotten snack in our yard is like an invitation to a raccoon rave, but the lazy family down the way can leave 3 full garbage bags in the field across from their site all night, and they won’t even be knocked over by morning.
When going to the bathroom during the night involves putting on shoes and a sweater and taking a terrifying 5 minute walk down a dark pathway, I will need to go twice during the night. When it involves walking 5 feet into my well-lit ensuite at home, I will sleep through the night.
At home, when we have functioning doors, locks, and real windows we will use more security measures than the National Guard. When we are sleeping in a yurt in the forest, surrounded by
drifters strangers, we are strangely okay with the protection of a thin layer of canvas, and windows with screens that are attached by Velcro.
|Our yurt for the week. I wanted a moat and a dragon around it, but I was overruled. Something about the fire from the dragon melting the canvas or something.|
Camping is a relaxing getaway for the parents who send their poorly-behaved children to play at everyone else’s campsite every day, while they sit and read.
Related: parents who want to pretend they can’t hear you telling their children to stop breaking our toys can remain surprisingly still in a lawn chair. I thought we had a Weekend at Bernie’s situation on our hands at first.
Also related: People, who are not actually dead, react fairly negatively to being poked by a marshmallow stick.
It is difficult to pretend you are not home when your house is made of fabric.
A child with car-sickness will without fail be sick 5 minutes before we reach our destination. No matter how far away it is.
It is possible to include bacon in every meal. And I will eat 9 times as much of it when I am outdoors.
One should always check all 4 sides of the comfort station. This is how you find out that there are 4 additional showers, and a family bathroom, and you don’t need to line up outside of the lone shower on the side where the washroom is. Your husband will laugh at you when you discover it on the 6th day as you are preparing to leave. You will feel compelled to take a picture of the showers. The person coming out of the shower while you are holding your camera up will notify security.
|“Huh. When during the week did they build this side of the building?”|
When a child refuses to come out of the tent for marshmallows, roast one for them anyway. They will ask for marshmallows 5 minutes after you put the supplies away.
Never, under any circumstance, try to see how far the river stretches on a one hour canoe rental, with the wind at your back.
If you pack only clothes for hot weather, it will be cold. If you pack only clothes for cold weather, it will be hot. If you pack all of the clothes, for all of the people…you will need 2 vans to get there.