Clean-up On Aisle 7

Nerdguy and I decided that we are getting back on the healthy train after we got back from our vacation. We’ve been on this train before. We may have transferred to the ice cream truck before we got to our stop. But this time we mean it! Well, except for the fact that we had hot dogs and ice cream for dinner tonight. But NOW we’re serious!

So I set off to the grocery store yesterday to get us stocked up. His favourite cereal is Bran Flakes. For real. Even when he isn’t on a healthy diet.  I think he may have hit his head.  I admire his good choices.

I got to the cereal aisle and discovered that they were having a sale.

A “blowout” sale on bran? Don’t you need a permit for that?
I bought 3 boxes.
I don’t think our plumbing can handle this.
I also had a bit of an “incident” in the pasta aisle. (No…NOT a bran related incident…COME ON!) I picked up a bag of shells to look at. Why are there so many sizes of shells? It was like an engineering challenge to try and figure out which size would balloon up to be the size that I want them once they are cooked.
(Nerdguy will be so distracted by my reckless use of the word “engineering” that my discussion of his bran use will be long forgotten…I’m sneaky like that).
My tragic mistake was in flipping the bag over. Noodles. Everywhere. This is when I regretted that this bag was the smaller sized noodles. They scatter somewhat more dramatically. I also regretted not bringing a child with me that I could shake my head at, and then be able to give bystanders that look that says “they take after their father.”
I did look around. Considered bolting. I had alternating images in my head of cartoon-like flailing about on the noodles, a frail little old lady falling and breaking a hip, and me being tried and convicted for reckless grocery handling. There was no staff person around, and I didn’t want to leave the mess while I went to look for someone, so I bent down and cleaned it all up, and put all the noodles in a neat pile on the shelf.  There was already a pile there either from the leak in the bag, or from the people at Candid Camera.
****This is the part in my story where Nerdguy becomes convinced that I have lost my mind.  Frankly, I have to wonder what took him so long to reach this conclusion.****
I didn’t want the next person to come along and think, “Ooh look…it’s the perfect noodles that I need to make my famous pasta salad for the church potluck,” and before they know it…noodles everywhere. I’ve lived it. I need to create awareness.
So I left a note. Apparently that makes me a lunatic. I wrote, “Bag is split.”  Then I added “open” at the end, because in my haste to write it on a page of notebook paper “split” looked like “shit” and I didn’t want it to be interpreted as a commentary on the quality of the pasta. Because I don’t do product reviews at random in store aisles. Well, except for that time that I sang the praises of a particular nursing bra to a rather alarmed looking pregnant woman at The Bay.
It’s amazing that store security even lets me in. Or out for that matter.
Nerdguy thinks that my note seemed to be more of a threat than a warning. If I’m going to threaten anyone with food, it certainly wouldn’t be with noodles. It would be dairy. Or raw poultry. Now that’s a threat.
He told me that I have to blog about it. Not because it’s a funny story. But rather as some kind of pre-emptive explanation before I am formally charged with dry goods terrorism.
Who’s the nut now?
Oh. Still me. Right then.
Take home lessons: Always shop with other people that you can point finger at. Leaving notes at the grocery store is considered “odd behaviour.”  Bran is on sale right now.

Comments

  1. says

    This is hilarious. I can’t believe you wrote a note, I would have totally spilled the noodles too because I spill everything but I’m always shopping with kids so I can blame them. Someone directed me to this post from twitter when I said I needed a laugh. Glad they did :).

    • says

      It was me !! *Raising hand*
      I directed Jessica here. 😉

      This post was from 2 years ago, but I still laugh like I just read it for the first time.
      Hilarious !!! :’D

      And I’m sharing it. Again.

  2. says

    Haha! I love this post. It gave me such a giggle this afternoon. This is exactly why I always shop with my kids. They make the perfect scapegoats for my odd and somewhat alarming mishaps.

  3. says

    The pasta story is funny but the “BLOWOUT” under the Fiber cereal is even funnier. 😀

    And this had me picturing the one time my Mom knocked over an entire end-cap of 1-liter cokes. I was in the other aisle getting something else and when I rounded the corner she was almost crying. Luckily only ONE burst open…. ;p

    • says

      Haha!! How awful…I would have been in tears for sure! Sounds like shopping with my mom…she breaks something pretty much every time we shop together, and swears that it only happens when she is with me. Hmmm…I guess this child-blaming thing is multi-generational! Thank you for commenting!

  4. says

    Lol! Too funny! I don’t know what I would have done. I am thinking I would have sort of kicked it to the side than quickly walked away. So you must be a much better person than me 🙂

    Glad you shared

    • says

      Oh believe me…I started to kick it all to the side, but it just seemed to scatter more. Once I started picking it up I was all in! Well, I guess short of commandeering the PA system. Only a crazy person would do that! Thanks for commenting!!

  5. says

    This is where my exercise training comes in handy – Nobody around? I can run away faster than that unsuspecting old lady one aisle over.
    Yep…..their bags ARE split (and you know I don’t mean ‘split’, I mean that other word because their bags aren’t supposed to bust open when you turn them over – This isn’t Russia). Also, why is cereal so expensive here? It’s maddening. I am angrified at their cereal pricing structure – they deserve dry pasta shells thrown at them.

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